I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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