Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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