I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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