Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
