His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize