There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
