about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
