I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
