mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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