I wish I could punch you in the face.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's just like the Real World with babies
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
