I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
