You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
