Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
