So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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