the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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