I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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