I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was a trapeze. enough said
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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