drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
