I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
