How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
