I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
