Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
