she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
