maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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