paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
