he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
