Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
