she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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