Will you blow on my dice?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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