i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
