Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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