Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
