hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
