The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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