The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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