In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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