I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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