He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
