i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
