There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday