The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea