She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
