DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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