hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
