I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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