i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
