Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
