Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
