i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
