Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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