my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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