I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
