i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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