I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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