I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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