That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
being pregnant is like rehab
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
