I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
