After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
