I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
