Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
