glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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