god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
