i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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