Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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