I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
